Questions not usually asked:
1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed because of the monsters.
2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Why would the hotel product making ppl make them so cute UNLESS they wanted them to be enjoyed in the comfort of my very own home?
3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? I won’t even look at a bed unless the sheets are tucked in
4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No no no.
5: Do you like to use post-it notes? I invented post-its.
6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? No. I’m a very intentional person and I intend on using coupons that have been cut, but sometimes I use them as paper basketballs.
7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? I would punch a bee in the face BUT many bees would probably overwhelm my awesome punching power. As for a bear, I’d wreck a bear as well. I’d fight a bear.
8: Do you have freckles? No
9: Do you always smile for pictures? If I “always” smile for pictures, then I’d be unable to maintain an intimidating posture towards others. Besides, funny faces would also be eliminated if smiles were “always” the expression of choice.
10: What is your biggest pet peeve? Pets.
11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Of course, who else is gonna keep track of that pertinent information.
12: Have you ever peed in the woods? I’ve peed in many places. If I didn’t claim the woods as one of those places, then I would cease to be a man.
13: What about pooped in the woods? Yes. It was either the pants or the woods. The woods won…. or lost depending on how you look at it. And if you are looking at it, then you are a sick individual.
14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? I would dance if I didn’t have any feet. Do you really think music would stop this pop-lock machine from consistent operation?
15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? I haven’t used a pencil in approx. 13 years, but I do chew the pens. I pretend they are cigarettes.
16: How many people have you slept with this week? You are gonna follow up the utensil eating question with this one??? Really? Really Really?
17: What size is your bed? The size that’s a little too big for one person and a little too small for two people.
18: What is your Song of the week? Michael Buble “All I want for Christmas”
19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? As long as it’s not pink undergarments, then I think it’s ok. But pink pants would be a hard one to pull off as well. I think that narrows it down to pink shirts. At that point, we might as well say no.
20: Do you still watch cartoons? I get my DBZ in every now and then.
21: Whats your least favorite movie? I think Transformers 1 & 2 were pretty bad. Ummmm all of these chick flick movies that promote adultery, fornication, endless dating, being dominant over men AND movies where guys are sleeping with tons of women really drive me crazy. Listen, I definitely sin, but just because I did it does NOT make it right. This Lifetime movie I saw with Sigourney Weaver was pretty sorry too. With all that being said, I’d say using the phrase “least favorite” is odd. So we know that “least” means the lowest ranking. HOWEVER, “favorite” implies it’s still a… well a favorite. So are we asking about movies we don’t like or movies that are in our “favorite” category, but just the ones on the bottom of the list? Simply odd.
22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? The same place I’d bury a body if the situation required. Like I’d tell you, you grave-robbing, treasure-stealing survey!
23: What do you drink with dinner? The closest beverage, which is always a Coke.
24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? The closest dipping sauce, which is always ketchup.
25: What is your favorite food? Pizza
26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Inception
27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? Isabelle
28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? If I was ever a boy/girl scout, do you think I’d be filling out this survey? I’d be scouting.
29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? I strip every day before I shower.
30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Does a card count? No? 15.3 years ago.
31: Can you change the oil on a car? Yes I can. Will I? Hahahahahaha
32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Several. I swear I have Wolverine foot or something
33: Ever ran out of gas? Just once and I’ll never forgive Roxanne for that betrayal. (Roxanne is my old Sentra)
34: Favorite kind of sandwich? PB and J
35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? Pancakes with scrambled eggs, bacon and sausage. Mmmmm
36: What is your usual bedtime? About 2AM
37: Are you lazy? I don’t know. I work pretty hard and consistently, but sometimes I just don’t want to move. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to breath.
38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Satan. This explains a lot
39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? Rat. This explains a lot.
40: How many languages can you speak? Perfect “english” and working on my ”wife”
41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No, I was getting jealous of all the abs I was looking at in my MMA and Mens health magazines.
42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? This question would be the wrong choice on an AIMS test, but since I don’t want to be a grammar douche, I’ll answer the question. Tegu: http://www.tegu.com/index.php
43: Are you stubborn? Yes. I hate admitting fault. But my stubborness isn’t always bad.
44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? Letterman is a stud.
45: Ever watch soap operas? How does the combination of those words result in the massacre of television art?
46: Are you afraid of heights? Not anymore.
47: Do you sing in the car? The car was made for singing. Driving was secondary.
48: Do you sing in the shower? No, but I preach in the shower. I preach to the curtains. And I whisper while I do it. Weird…
49: Do you dance in the car? The car was made for dancing. Singing and driving are secondary and tertiary
50: Ever used a gun? I’ve shot a gun, but not sure if that falls in the implied meaning of “used”. Maybe one day I will… one day.
51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Ashleigh took one of me and a snowman this morning at church. I don’t hate on amateurs.
52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? At first, I thought it said “muscles” and I thought, “how unusual”
53: Is Christmas stressful? This one is. I just bought a car so I won’t have any money to get anyone anything. I love giving gifts so I’m a little bummed that cards is all we can do. But i got something real nice for Ashleigh and Izzy got some stuff, so I’m happy about that.
54: Ever eat a pierogi? What?! Are we playing a word unscramble game? Is that “pigeon”?
55: Favorite type of fruit pie? Pumpkin.
56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Neurosurgeon
57: Do you believe in ghosts? Yes
58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? I hate that movie, so no.
59: Take a vitamin daily? No.
60: Wear slippers? I have this aversion towards my toes being covered.
61: Wear a bath robe? If you’re talking about skin, then yes. My skin.
62: What do you wear to bed? Boxers. Just like Shrek in Shrek 2.
63: First concert? That Damn Show. Which is now called Edgefest. The first concert I participated in was in kindergarten, I played a russian dancer.
64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Are we discussing where I make most of my purchases or which organization is more successful? Either way, K-mart shouldn’t be on this list.
65: Nike or Adidas? I blame corporations for all our problems. I am the 99%
66: Cheetos Or Fritos? I blame corporations for all our problems. I am the 99%
67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Cookies.
68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? 3 Good?
69: Ever take dance lessons? When you are part machine (dance machine), lessons are obsolete.
70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? mother
71: Can you curl your tongue? I can curl you, puny man
72: Ever won a spelling bee? Yes, I lost the competition on the word “mean”.
73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? I don’t think so, because I usually smile. I think that is kind of a girl thing.
74: Own any record albums? Record albums?
75: Own a record player? I wish.
76: Regularly burn incense? I don’t irregularly burn incense
77: Ever been in love? God is love and I’ve always been His
78: Who would you like to see in concert? Jesus
79: What was the last concert you saw? P.O.D. at the Hard Rock Cafe downtown
80: Hot tea or cold tea? Iced Chai
81: Tea or coffee? Coffee
82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? There’s no sugar in snickerdoodles? Well that’s something.
83: Can you swim well? If a shark is in the ocean, will the whale call to it’s young? Solve this riddle for the answer.
84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Can I? Yes. Will I? Never.
85: Are you patient? In a hospital. Pun intended.
86: DJ or band, at a wedding? CD player
87: Ever won a contest? I win the contest of life every single day. Have you seen my wife?!
88: Ever have plastic surgery? If I get burned real bad, maybe.
89: Which are better black or green olives? Again with the wrong choice in an AIMS test! Which is better cold or hot? Is WHAT better? Sin must be repented of.
90: Can you knit or crochet? Unfortunately no.
91: Best room for a fireplace? Bedroom
92: Do you want to get married? I am married and it’s awesome!
93: If married, how long have you been married? 1.5 years
94: Who was your HS crush? A lot. But Alisa was this girl I liked most of the time.
95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? When I poop.
96: Do you have kids? ISABELLE!!!!!!!
97: Do you want kids? Of course!
98: Whats your favorite color? Yellow - Coldplay
99: Do you miss anyone right now? Jesus