1. I hate glass ketchup bottles →

    the-absolute-funniest-posts:

    This is a cool blog to follow

    1 year ago  /  10,282 notes  /  Source:

  2. Another day. Another survey. (your) weclom. 1.) My lovely wife. I thought my daughter was reaching for my hand, but nay, she reacheth for the remote. 2.) Tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna list 3 different places and you can guess match which place matches the given adjective. Got it? Good. Here’s the 3 places: 1. Shower 2. Car 3. My mind 3.) Jesus. ALWAYS Jesus. And Sonny from POD because how cool will that be, right? 4.) Eh. 5.) I’ve given up on Satan and gone back to him. No homo. 6.) Define “take care” 7.) I sure hope so :-) 8.) Liza Minnelli 9.) Sometimes, but I can be pretty candid. I mean, when the faucet begins to leak, you need a plumber to come fix it. By faucet, I mean my mouth. By plumber, I mean Jesus. 10.) Abba 11.) “Something in the room fell, but I’m not sure what it was.” -Pastor B.Kruck 12.) Sad 13.) No, I hate them. Especially when zombies or aliens are attacking, mostly because girls are screaming soooooo loud, which makes things so much worse. 14.) Not luck, but definitely miracles. There has been so many times I had major diarrhea and nearly pooped my pants while driving on congested roads, but always made it somewhere safe. 15.) My beautiful Izzy was born. I actually started to like my job, a little. I have a wife. Went to Cave Springs. Went to Cali. Both paid for by work. Didn’t die. 16.) I would kiss Izzy if she would just close her eyes and sleep!! 17.) God is everywhere, including other planets 18.) I’ve had 1323423503776235 crushes in my lifetime. I’m not a playa, I just crush a lot. Answer: No 19.) I haven’t had a bubble bath in 1323423503776235 years 20.) They scurry whenever I come out. I’ve been trying to meet some whenever I get the chance, but they are elusive.. like ninjas. 21.) Lust. Anger. Bitterness. Resentment. Pride. Doubt. Biting Cuticles. 22.) To the future and to heaven! Or Italy, because why not, right? Freakin Italy bro. 23.) The “4” behind the “?” is extremely confusing. Was the survey trying to answer the question, but then realized it’s on a freaking computer and can only talk numbers and crap?! 24.) Is this survey British? Who spells favorite with a “u”? Freedom Fries Forever!! 25.) Fingers! They are so sneaky looking. Can’t trust anything that looks like those creatures that impregnate you from the movie “Alien” 26.) Be. 27.) Bluer. Made up that word right here, right now. 28.) Doctors. Not because of what they do, but simply because we both know who the dumber person in the room is. I still try to make small talk though. 29.) I’ve only had 2 official girlfriends besides Ash and I think they both hated me after the breakup. 30.) I am married! And it’s awesome. To all the unmarried: Ha. 31.) I wish! I want a Trunks Pony: http://images.wikia.com/dragonballfanon/images/4/4b/DBZ_Future_Trunks_2_by_imran_ryo.jpg 32.) Like Dinner? 33.) Hulk 34.) I dab a little in basketball 35.) TV. 36.) Who hasn’t. Gotta love teenage insecurity. 37.) I don’t say a thing. I let my eyes talk. They say, “Let it happen” 38.) Uh yea. 39.) Here we go again with the “favourite”. Anyways, I don’t really like shopping 40.) Something important. 41.) Deserve? No. 42.) That I’m dead. 43.) Sometimes. Unless…. http://www.thefilmyap.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Strangers-inside.jpg 44.) Outer Space, duh! I’m not trying to end up like this: http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_588/1299280652U47UZu.jpg 45.) I have 2. Both are awesome! 46.) This: http://thewondrous.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Harry-Potter-star-Rupert-Grint-has-a-huge-fear-of-spiders-arachnophobia..jpg 47.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPTRHgLKaBk&feature=related 48.) “I do” -Ashleigh 49.) I think that list could go on forever and ever 50.) Hebrew

    Another day. Another survey. (your) weclom.

    1.) My lovely wife. I thought my daughter was reaching for my hand, but nay, she reacheth for the remote.

    2.) Tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna list 3 different places and you can guess match which place matches the given adjective. Got it? Good. Here’s the 3 places: 1. Shower 2. Car 3. My mind

    3.) Jesus. ALWAYS Jesus. And Sonny from POD because how cool will that be, right?

    4.) Eh.

    5.) I’ve given up on Satan and gone back to him. No homo.

    6.) Define “take care”

    7.) I sure hope so :-)

    8.) Liza Minnelli

    9.) Sometimes, but I can be pretty candid. I mean, when the faucet begins to leak, you need a plumber to come fix it. By faucet, I mean my mouth. By plumber, I mean Jesus.

    10.) Abba

    11.) “Something in the room fell, but I’m not sure what it was.” -Pastor B.Kruck

    12.) Sad

    13.) No, I hate them. Especially when zombies or aliens are attacking, mostly because girls are screaming soooooo loud, which makes things so much worse.

    14.) Not luck, but definitely miracles. There has been so many times I had major diarrhea and nearly pooped my pants while driving on congested roads, but always made it somewhere safe.

    15.) My beautiful Izzy was born. I actually started to like my job, a little. I have a wife. Went to Cave Springs. Went to Cali. Both paid for by work. Didn’t die.

    16.) I would kiss Izzy if she would just close her eyes and sleep!!

    17.) God is everywhere, including other planets

    18.) I’ve had 1323423503776235 crushes in my lifetime. I’m not a playa, I just crush a lot. Answer: No

    19.) I haven’t had a bubble bath in 1323423503776235 years

    20.) They scurry whenever I come out. I’ve been trying to meet some whenever I get the chance, but they are elusive.. like ninjas.

    21.) Lust. Anger. Bitterness. Resentment. Pride. Doubt. Biting Cuticles.

    22.) To the future and to heaven! Or Italy, because why not, right? Freakin Italy bro.

    23.) The “4” behind the “?” is extremely confusing. Was the survey trying to answer the question, but then realized it’s on a freaking computer and can only talk numbers and crap?!

    24.) Is this survey British? Who spells favorite with a “u”? Freedom Fries Forever!!

    25.) Fingers! They are so sneaky looking. Can’t trust anything that looks like those creatures that impregnate you from the movie “Alien”

    26.) Be.

    27.) Bluer. Made up that word right here, right now.

    28.) Doctors. Not because of what they do, but simply because we both know who the dumber person in the room is. I still try to make small talk though.

    29.) I’ve only had 2 official girlfriends besides Ash and I think they both hated me after the breakup.

    30.) I am married! And it’s awesome. To all the unmarried: Ha.

    31.) I wish! I want a Trunks Pony: http://images.wikia.com/dragonballfanon/images/4/4b/DBZ_Future_Trunks_2_by_imran_ryo.jpg

    32.) Like Dinner?

    33.) Hulk

    34.) I dab a little in basketball

    35.) TV.

    36.) Who hasn’t. Gotta love teenage insecurity.

    37.) I don’t say a thing. I let my eyes talk. They say, “Let it happen”

    38.) Uh yea.

    39.) Here we go again with the “favourite”. Anyways, I don’t really like shopping

    40.) Something important.

    41.) Deserve? No.

    42.) That I’m dead.

    43.) Sometimes. Unless…. http://www.thefilmyap.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Strangers-inside.jpg

    44.) Outer Space, duh! I’m not trying to end up like this: http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_588/1299280652U47UZu.jpg

    45.) I have 2. Both are awesome!

    46.) This: http://thewondrous.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Harry-Potter-star-Rupert-Grint-has-a-huge-fear-of-spiders-arachnophobia..jpg

    47.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPTRHgLKaBk&feature=related

    48.) “I do” -Ashleigh

    49.) I think that list could go on forever and ever

    50.) Hebrew

    (via simplylorina)

    1 year ago  /  1,713 notes  /  Source: fuckingmonsters

  3. Just for the giggles

    Questions not usually asked:


    1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed because of the monsters.

    2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Why would the hotel product making ppl make them so cute UNLESS they wanted them to be enjoyed in the comfort of my very own home?


    3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? I won’t even look at a bed unless the sheets are tucked in


    4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No no no.


    5: Do you like to use post-it notes? I invented post-its.

    6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? No. I’m a very intentional person and I intend on using coupons that have been cut, but sometimes I use them as paper basketballs.


    7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? I would punch a bee in the face BUT many bees would probably overwhelm my awesome punching power. As for a bear, I’d wreck a bear as well. I’d fight a bear.

    8: Do you have freckles? No

    9: Do you always smile for pictures? If I “always” smile for pictures, then I’d be unable to maintain an intimidating posture towards others. Besides, funny faces would also be eliminated if smiles were “always” the expression of choice.

    10: What is your biggest pet peeve? Pets.


    11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Of course, who else is gonna keep track of that pertinent information.


    12: Have you ever peed in the woods? I’ve peed in many places. If I didn’t claim the woods as one of those places, then I would cease to be a man.

    13: What about pooped in the woods? Yes. It was either the pants or the woods. The woods won…. or lost depending on how you look at it. And if you are looking at it, then you are a sick individual.

     
    14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? I would dance if I didn’t have any feet. Do you really think music would stop this pop-lock machine from consistent operation?

     
    15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? I haven’t used a pencil in approx. 13 years, but I do chew the pens. I pretend they are cigarettes.

     
    16: How many people have you slept with this week? You are gonna follow up the utensil eating question with this one??? Really? Really Really?

    17: What size is your bed? The size that’s a little too big for one person and a little too small for two people.

     
    18: What is your Song of the week? Michael Buble “All I want for Christmas”

    19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? As long as it’s not pink undergarments, then I think it’s ok. But pink pants would be a hard one to pull off as well. I think that narrows it down to pink shirts. At that point, we might as well say no.

    20: Do you still watch cartoons? I get my DBZ in every now and then.

    21: Whats your least favorite movie? I think Transformers 1 & 2 were pretty bad. Ummmm all of these chick flick movies that promote adultery, fornication, endless dating, being dominant over men AND movies where guys are sleeping with tons of women really drive me crazy. Listen, I definitely sin, but just because I did it does NOT make it right. This Lifetime movie I saw with Sigourney Weaver was pretty sorry too. With all that being said, I’d say using the phrase “least favorite” is odd. So we know that “least” means the lowest ranking. HOWEVER, “favorite” implies it’s still a… well a favorite. So are we asking about movies we don’t like or movies that are in our “favorite” category, but just the ones on the bottom of the list? Simply odd.

    22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? The same place I’d bury a body if the situation required. Like I’d tell you, you grave-robbing, treasure-stealing survey!

    23: What do you drink with dinner? The closest beverage, which is always a Coke.

    24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? The closest dipping sauce, which is always ketchup.

    25: What is your favorite food? Pizza

    26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Inception

    27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? Isabelle


    28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? If I was ever a boy/girl scout, do you think I’d be filling out this survey? I’d be scouting.


    29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? I strip every day before I shower.


    30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Does a card count? No? 15.3 years ago.

    31: Can you change the oil on a car? Yes I can. Will I? Hahahahahaha


    32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Several. I swear I have Wolverine foot or something


    33: Ever ran out of gas? Just once and I’ll never forgive Roxanne for that betrayal. (Roxanne is my old Sentra)

    34: Favorite kind of sandwich? PB and J

    35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? Pancakes with scrambled eggs, bacon and sausage. Mmmmm


    36: What is your usual bedtime? About 2AM

    37: Are you lazy? I don’t know. I work pretty hard and consistently, but sometimes I just don’t want to move. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to breath.

    38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Satan. This explains a lot

    39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? Rat. This explains a lot.

     
    40: How many languages can you speak? Perfect “english” and working on my ”wife”

     
    41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No, I was getting jealous of all the abs I was looking at in my MMA and Mens health magazines.

    42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? This question would be the wrong choice on an AIMS test, but since I don’t want to be a grammar douche, I’ll answer the question. Tegu: http://www.tegu.com/index.php

    43: Are you stubborn? Yes. I hate admitting fault. But my stubborness isn’t always bad.

    44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? Letterman is a stud.

    45: Ever watch soap operas? How does the combination of those words result in the massacre of television art?


    46: Are you afraid of heights? Not anymore.

     
    47: Do you sing in the car? The car was made for singing. Driving was secondary.

    48: Do you sing in the shower? No, but I preach in the shower. I preach to the curtains. And I whisper while I do it. Weird…

    49: Do you dance in the car? The car was made for dancing. Singing and driving are secondary and tertiary


    50: Ever used a gun? I’ve shot a gun, but not sure if that falls in the implied meaning of “used”. Maybe one day I will… one day.

    51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Ashleigh took one of me and a snowman this morning at church. I don’t hate on amateurs.

    52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? At first, I thought it said “muscles” and I thought, “how unusual”

    53: Is Christmas stressful? This one is. I just bought a car so I won’t have any money to get anyone anything. I love giving gifts so I’m a little bummed that cards is all we can do. But i got something real nice for Ashleigh and Izzy got some stuff, so I’m happy about that.

    54: Ever eat a pierogi? What?! Are we playing a word unscramble game? Is that “pigeon”?

     
    55: Favorite type of fruit pie? Pumpkin.

     
    56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Neurosurgeon

    57: Do you believe in ghosts? Yes

     
    58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? I hate that movie, so no.

    59: Take a vitamin daily? No.


    60: Wear slippers? I have this aversion towards my toes being covered.

    61: Wear a bath robe? If you’re talking about skin, then yes. My skin.

    62: What do you wear to bed? Boxers. Just like Shrek in Shrek 2.

    63: First concert? That Damn Show. Which is now called Edgefest. The first concert I participated in was in kindergarten, I played a russian dancer.

    64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Are we discussing where I make most of my purchases or which organization is more successful? Either way, K-mart shouldn’t be on this list.

    65: Nike or Adidas? I blame corporations for all our problems. I am the 99%

    66: Cheetos Or Fritos? I blame corporations for all our problems. I am the 99%

    67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Cookies.

     
    68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? 3 Good?

    69: Ever take dance lessons? When you are part machine (dance machine), lessons are obsolete.

    70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? mother

    71: Can you curl your tongue? I can curl you, puny man


    72: Ever won a spelling bee? Yes, I lost the competition on the word “mean”.

    73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? I don’t think so, because I usually smile. I think that is kind of a girl thing.

    74: Own any record albums? Record albums?

    75: Own a record player? I wish.

     
    76: Regularly burn incense? I don’t irregularly burn incense

    77: Ever been in love? God is love and I’ve always been His


    78: Who would you like to see in concert? Jesus

    79: What was the last concert you saw? P.O.D. at the Hard Rock Cafe downtown

    80: Hot tea or cold tea? Iced Chai

     
    81: Tea or coffee? Coffee


    82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? There’s no sugar in snickerdoodles? Well that’s something.

    83: Can you swim well? If a shark is in the ocean, will the whale call to it’s young? Solve this riddle for the answer.

    84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Can I? Yes. Will I? Never.

     
    85: Are you patient? In a hospital. Pun intended.

    86: DJ or band, at a wedding? CD player

     
    87: Ever won a contest? I win the contest of life every single day. Have you seen my wife?!

    88: Ever have plastic surgery? If I get burned real bad, maybe.


    89: Which are better black or green olives? Again with the wrong choice in an AIMS test! Which is better cold or hot? Is WHAT better? Sin must be repented of.

     
    90: Can you knit or crochet? Unfortunately no.


    91: Best room for a fireplace? Bedroom


    92: Do you want to get married? I am married and it’s awesome!


    93: If married, how long have you been married? 1.5 years


    94: Who was your HS crush? A lot. But Alisa was this girl I liked most of the time.

    95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? When I poop.

     
    96: Do you have kids? ISABELLE!!!!!!!


    97: Do you want kids? Of course!


    98: Whats your favorite color? Yellow - Coldplay


    99: Do you miss anyone right now? Jesus

    1 year ago  /  1 note

  4. the-absolute-funniest-posts:   Click here to follow the quality blog of the week.

    the-absolute-funniest-posts:

     

    Click here to follow the quality blog of the week.

    1 year ago  /  34,748 notes  /  Source: jonwithabullet

  5. Tummy time!

    1 year ago  /  0 notes

  6. Being a daddy gives me so much joy

    1 year ago  /  1 note

  7. 1. Anthony Joseph “hulk” “beast” Hernandez 2. 13 x 2 3. Ashleigh & Ricky 4. Married!! Woo hoo!! 5. Just in my soul 6. My eyes.. I want piercing eyes 7. Just in my soul 8. Why desecrate a beautiful body? 9. Hmmm… Probably “Dads are the original hipsters” 10. Just trying to sound hip and new-y 11. SO many good bands. I enjoy Gungor and Crowder. But 30 seconds to Mars and Flobots are great as well 12. Star Trek 13. I think I have a skinny personality 14. My non skinny-ness 15. My wife 16. Skinny 17. 12/25/2011 18. Gossip, Cockroaches, Bullying 19. Cardio 20. Being in the midst of dense crowds 21. Not being in it 22. Abs 23. Attentiveness and humility 24. Uncontrollable anger and gossip… oh and bad grammar 25. I just coughed… like right NOW 26. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me: Galatians 2:20 27. Fat 28. He’s very good looking and popular. He also happens to be an angel and has an army of demons. I hate him because I’ve been lied to by him too many times about who I am and who God is. 29. It was a few days ago during a movie, but I forgot which movie… I’m DEFINITELY a movie sissy 30. Both. My wife is HOT and I love talking to her. She’s super interesting. I think both are important because God made us to be attracted to each other and we see people of God in scripture initially get drawn to their spouses by looks. Personality is the good stuff. It’s what makes a person who they are. It makes Ashleigh, Ashleigh. And I love Ashleigh :-)

    1. Anthony Joseph “hulk” “beast” Hernandez

    2. 13 x 2

    3. Ashleigh & Ricky

    4. Married!! Woo hoo!!

    5. Just in my soul

    6. My eyes.. I want piercing eyes

    7. Just in my soul

    8. Why desecrate a beautiful body?

    9. Hmmm… Probably “Dads are the original hipsters”

    10. Just trying to sound hip and new-y

    11. SO many good bands. I enjoy Gungor and Crowder. But 30 seconds to Mars and Flobots are great as well

    12. Star Trek

    13. I think I have a skinny personality

    14. My non skinny-ness

    15. My wife

    16. Skinny

    17. 12/25/2011

    18. Gossip, Cockroaches, Bullying

    19. Cardio

    20. Being in the midst of dense crowds

    21. Not being in it

    22. Abs

    23. Attentiveness and humility

    24. Uncontrollable anger and gossip… oh and bad grammar

    25. I just coughed… like right NOW

    26. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me: Galatians 2:20

    27. Fat

    28. He’s very good looking and popular. He also happens to be an angel and has an army of demons. I hate him because I’ve been lied to by him too many times about who I am and who God is.

    29. It was a few days ago during a movie, but I forgot which movie… I’m DEFINITELY a movie sissy

    30. Both. My wife is HOT and I love talking to her. She’s super interesting. I think both are important because God made us to be attracted to each other and we see people of God in scripture initially get drawn to their spouses by looks. Personality is the good stuff. It’s what makes a person who they are. It makes Ashleigh, Ashleigh. And I love Ashleigh :-)

    (via simplylorina)

    1 year ago  /  119,161 notes  /  Source: free-brita

  8. I love being a dad :-D

    I love being a dad :-D

    1 year ago  /  1 note

  9. Tired soul

    O wretched heart of mine He has laid you in your grave O tired soul inside Call upon His holy Name

    O wretched heart of mine He will put you to your death O tired soul inside He will lead you to His rest

    2 years ago  /  0 notes

  10. abbymontenegro: Ninja turtle pizza crust.. Pretty much the best pizza ever! My life is now complete

    abbymontenegro:

    Ninja turtle pizza crust.. Pretty much the best pizza ever!

    My life is now complete

    2 years ago  /  2 notes  /  Source: abbymontenegro